If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
