Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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