Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
