come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
