alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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