I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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