I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
