I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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