I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
