If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
