I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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