remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
