hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
