Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
