So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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