dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
