you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
