fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
