I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
