I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
