I think my vagina is haunted
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I could make wine with my vomit
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
