there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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