Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
