I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
