Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
