my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My pussy is not your playground.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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