I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
