yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
