Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
