Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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