sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
