I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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