I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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