so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
