Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
