12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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