I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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