Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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