I think I died a long time ago.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
