I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
