he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
