Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
