i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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