I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I won the penis lottery.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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