My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
