I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
