i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
false alarm, still single
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
