just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
