Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
