My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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