I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
