I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
