He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
