You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
