Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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