Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
